"I don't like it."

Imagine the scene...

Opens on a smart, glass-walled City lawyer's office.  Two people sit facing each other over a meeting table.  They are lawyer and client.

Lawyer: "Now, Mr Client.  Here's the contract for the transaction.  We've spent the last week working on it and it's pretty much perfect.  You'll get the company, the buildings and the staff. They get £3.5m over five years, that's what we agreed."

Client: "Thanks - that's great Mr Lawyer.  Where do I sign?"

Now.  Imagine another scene...

Opens on a smart, glass-walled design agency's office.  Two people sit facing each other over a meeting table.  They are designer and client.

Designer: "Now, Mr Client.  Here are the designs and copy for this year's annual report.  We've spent the last week on it and it's pretty much perfect. You'll get..."

Client (interrupting): "I don't like green."

Designer: "Sorry?"

Client:  "I don't like green.  And we need a bigger picture of the product.  And the copy isn't 'salesy' enough. And... AAARRGGHHH!!!"

SFX: Agency bludgeoning client to death with a cafetiere.

I have seriously though about introducing a £50 fine for each time a client says "I don't like it."  I don't actually CARE whether clients like or dislike the work we do (although it's personally flattering when they do - which is very dangerous indeed).  

What I care about is whether or not our work sells for our clients.  I care whether or not it's appropriate to the target market.  I care whether or not it gets their message over clearly, simply and effectively.  But I don't give a stuff whether they like it or not. 

Why?  

Not because I'm an arrogant, stroppy 'creative', (not always, anyway) but because I give a damn about my clients' work and its effectiveness.  We spend all our time thinking about our clients' markets, reading what they read, understanding how they think and interact with websites, printed material and visual media.  I'd like to think that, after (blimey!) nearly twenty years doing it we're quite good at it.  

We don't have a codified set of principles to fall back on in the same way lawyers can.  I can't tell my mythical client that green is perfectly appropriate for thirty-three year old Lexus buyers in Penge.  Perhaps that's a mistake - but I think not.  After all, human nature and communication is too complex to codify.  But people who write copy and design for a living should be able to cast a net around this complexity and understand how to communicate it clearly, powerfully and effectively.

And clients should be happy to let them - whether they like it or not.

"Deliver/Designer" - brand new service from Freeman Christie

Ahhh, the things we do for clients. George was posted on Friday, we're expecting her to arrive in Yemen some time in mid-April. Good luck George, we'll miss you.

Decent marketing - still out there

With the Pareto Principle applying to the Freeman Christie postbox (80% trash), it's a delight to get a piece of DM like this from Yellow Pages.

From a design point of view there are better looking DM packs, but this one's functional and sound.  It's the copy that's the best bit...

The writer sounds as though he's read his Claude Hopkins, Drayton Bird (lunch be upon him) and David Ogilvy.  It's an absolute bloody joy.

There's a key, single, simple proposition.  "Get a Yellow Pages entry and we'll bring business to your door."

The proposition is quantified. "We'll get you five new leads a week." and it's backed up with data.

The opening acknowledges that small business owners are strapped for time, and it recognises that sales are the key worry area for all of them.

It's clear what I'm supposed to do - it would be hard to miss that massive yellow response device.  And they've even completed it for you.  

Gorgeous.

It's unusual to see a DM piece this good nowadays. Most agencies have forgotten the function of direct mail is to SELL.  Yes, done well, it enhances the brand too, but the primary function of DM is to sell something.  That means anyone writing DM needs to have read the masters (Drayton, Claude and David) and be able to think their way into the mind of the prospect.

I still love writing DM.  It was my first job in advertising and it's informed everything I've done since.  It's a bit like learning Latin - not glamorous, hard work and slog but excellent discipline and a good foundation.  If you're used to people having 12 seconds to evaluate your mailpack (8 are spent opening the envelope and unfolding the contents), you start cutting all the puff from your writing.  You need to get to the benefits quickly, and sell them in a way that shows you understand the prospect and what makes him buy - thoroughly.

Years ago, I worked in direct mail for Nationwide Building Society.  The week before I started, I spent Saturday morning sitting on the wall outside my local branch, watching people go in and come out.  I saw the shopping bags they carried, the clothes they wore, the other shops they visited.  And I learned more in that morning about my customers than I learned in pages of research and focus groups.  It's only by meeting and talking to your clients and customers that you can understand what drives them.  And that's the only way you can communicate with them.

Try it - go and meet some of your customers and find out what really makes them buy.

Why giving an agency a budget could save your marketing

It’s an age old problem, and one that’s encountered all too frequently. An agency battles through the credentials and creative pitch, finally wins it and asks the simplest of questions. “What’s the budget?”.
It should be a simple question, but so often is answered with a “we don’t know” or a “what do you think it will cost”.

There are usually two reasons for this. The first is that the client doesn’t actually have any idea what the job SHOULD cost. This is worrying because it's always useful if a client has been able to do some research.  It makes a lot of sense to get some foundation and understanding of what a job will end up costing.  It tends to prevent heated debates along the lines of “we never knew it would cost so much!” Not a great start to a potentially long relationship…

The second reason boils down to a question of trust. The client feels that if they let on how much they have to spend the agency will always match it or try for something a bit bigger. Why tell them how much you have to spend if they can do it for cheaper. This sort of “drive them down” mentality has several flaws, and is often the reason for projects going sideways. For a start, any decent agency will always work to the client’s budget, whatever it is. That’s the point of a budget. The problem, especially with larger, more complex projects, is that the variables are so considerable that without a clear idea of the clients monetary restraints the agency can rarely produce a good solution. We’ve had projects that could have cost the client thousands and managed to come up with an equally effective solution for a few hundred pounds – the important thing was the client told us what the problem was, and how much they had to throw at it. It’s the agencies job to take these variables and come up with a solution that works.

If you imagine going shopping for someone else, with a “very tight budget” but now idea how much that actually was. What items would you buy? What if you buy something you think will be cheap, only to find out it’s several times what you thought it would be. Wouldn’t you just buy everything on the cheap as the expense of quality? A good creative agency takes your shopping list and goes out to find the best combination of items to fit your budget – a difficult task if it has no idea what you want to spend.

It’s hard for the client too – too many times they get bitten on cost by a less than reputable agency, or an agency tries their luck depending on what they feel the client has to spend. But that problem’s easily fixed by choosing the right one. There are equally plenty of agencies out there who work their socks off just to make sure the client gets what they want, and are happy to lose a bit along the way to make sure they get it right. The best way of establishing this is to chat with the agencies current clients. Ignore the testimonials on the site – they’re not going to put anything bad on their, instead ask for a few contacts who would be happy to be called/emailed. Most good agencies will have close enough relationships with their clients that this wont be a problem.

Why is a good idea of budget so important? Well, it has a massive impact on how effective your agency can be for you. Whether a new online strategy, marketing collateral or a comprehensive brand exercise, the tools and methods your agency use will all be dictated by budget. As someone infinitely wiser than me once said, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. It’s the same for problem solving – multiple channels can be used, each judged on it’s own merits, and each one suitable under different budgetary constraints.

An extreme example would be TV advertising – it’s a great awareness and brand enhancing tool, but obviously requires considerable funds in the kitty. How is an agency ever going to make the right choices for you if you don’t give them the foundations to do it?

Giving an agency clear guidance on how much money you actually have to spend isn’t just important, it’s absolutely vital for your marketing and communications to be a success. It’s as important as getting the brief right – without it, you’re never going to get maximum ROI. Bizarre really, that so many companies think they can save money by misleading their agency, and even more bizarre is when the same companies wonder why they didn’t quite get what they were hoping for at the end of the project.

Think about the poor, over-messaged prospect

People are - as always - short of time.  I suspect people always have been.  I can see Socrates, in the agora at Athens, checking his diary and thinking he just had too many things to do.  That means you need to make stuff relevant - and fast.

It doesn't matter whether you're writing for big budget TV ads or charity direct mail.  The stuff we produce in the 'communications industry'* has the life-expectancy of a gnat.  In the same way, the people who see our stuff have the same attention span.  The average direct mail pack gets 12 seconds before it's binned or read - and eight of those 12 seconds are spent unfolding and opening the pack contents.  That means we need to get their attention pretty briskly.

So how do most practitioners do it?  Whacky bloody headlines.  Egg, this morning, sent me a mailing with the envelope line "Look inside.  It's worth it.  We're not just saying it's worth it because we can.  It really is.  Truly."

Now, 'worth it' to me at 7am means either coffee, a bacon sandwich or free money.  They were offering none of those.  In fact, they wanted to sell me an interest-free credit card.  No interest for 14 months.  A good, powerful offer.  So why use an envelope headline that has all the attraction of a plate of lightly salted slugs?

Two minutes with Google, and you can see that Virgin has a 15 month interest-free card, but there are plenty of 12 month, 9, 8, and 6 month offers the writer could have compared with. Get the art director to bash up a comparative bar chart for the envelope and stick on the headline "Where would you rather transfer your balance?"

It's not madly creative, but it IS simple, clear and gets straight through to the consumer.

It raises another point too - the notion that your consumer is capable of sapient thought.  That means it's THEIR decision if something's 'great', 'high-quality' or 'worth it' - not yours.

More next week...

*it's not a bloody industry - industries have foundries, sweat, workshops and make stuff; we sit at laptops, pontificate and have lunch.  And I like it that way.

What's all the heifer stuff about?

What do you call a blog? 

"Freeman Christie Blog"?  Dulllllll.  

"Creative Thinking"?  Pass the bucket.  

After all of three minutes thinking, we went for an anagram.  Miscreant Heifer - anagram of Freeman Christie.  There were a few more good 'uns, but we all liked the Heifer best.  Sort of fits with our No Bull idea and it's bit maverick (sorry).

Here were the other front runners:

• Ace Firemen Shirt
  
• A Mischief Renter
  
• A Trice Fishermen
  
• Ace, Fresh, Mintier! (oooh - how potentially corporate!)
  
• Trims Her Fiancee
  
• Mini Hectare Serf 
  
• If Hermits Careen (should really be the title of a novel)
  
• Creamier Hen Fits
  
• Increase The Firm
  
• Finish Me Terrace!
  
• Create Firm Shine!
  
• Niftier Cashmere
  
• Chestier Fireman
  
• Fireman Heretics
  

Got to say, I was really tempted by the rather Mrs Miggins-ish "Finish me terrace!"  But "Miscreant Heifer" it is.

We've been doing some thinking about museums.

Striking, isn't it?

But, er, what is it?  And why is it there*?

We want to start doing some information design work with museums and galleries.  It seems that there's vast amounts of potential for writing and designing material that communicates clearly.  After all, the whole idea of museums is to give people an engaging way of learning. And if you want to help people learn, you need information design. 

But I suspect this is one of those dangerous areas to go tripping through:

Should museums be more about artefects or interpretation? 

Are they about the objects in the cases or the interpretation through context?  I mean, go to the V&A (good cafe as well - run by Benugo, so you'll get a decent sandwich) and look...

Lots of gorgeous objects - but why are they there?  What do they do?  Who made them?  Why?

The things in the cases are beautiful in their own right, but with the right information visitors can appreciate them much more fully.  With the historical, cultural and societal framework they came from, there's a lot more potential to learn and understand - and appreciate them - as more than just beautiful objects.

So which is more important?  Neither.  Both.  It's all about context - a C16 silver candlestick will have enough intrinsic beauty to captivate visitors, but they'd learn a lot more if they knew about how C16 candles were made, who made them, what sort of people had expensive silver candlesticks... you get the idea.  More esoteric exhibits (take a look at Bletchley Park) get most of their meaning from interpretation and context.

So, if anyone at Bletchley fancies some free work on an interpretation leaflet, do get in touch...

* It's a dress made from (I think) parachute silk - hence the cords running from the case to hold it up.  It's item No. 4 on the V&A website here

Why your marketing doesn't need fixing

Marketing communications are the least of most companies’ problems. They hire agencies and pay their fees to research and write their sales material. Most marketing communication is, by and large, OK. The problem comes once the customer has bought and falls into the communications slough of ‘Customer Services’.

Sales and marketing material is usually written by agencies. But who writes the customer service communications? The scripts (may your god help you) for the call centre operators to parrot? Who designs the account statements? It’s Sherillee, that middle manager in Customer Services, isn’t it? Go on – admit it. Your marketing budget runs to six figures – yet the job of retaining that customer you fought so, so hard for is delegated to Sherillee.

Sherillee’s a top administrator; she cares a lot about customer retention. But she knows less than the square root of nothing about communications. Worse than that, if you’re a plc, you’ve probably passed her letter through three or four senior managers, a couple of product managers and finally, the compliance department. What started out as a badly written, somewhat convoluted letter is now a dense mass of sub-clauses, riders, disclaimers and faux-Dickensian English.

Your customer will not read beyond line two and if she does, she’ll think you’re useless.

Why should that bother you? So what if Mrs Buggins from Leamington doesn’t read the letter that Sherillee has so carefully crafted? Because Mrs Buggins is going to get a whole lot of other stuff, from other companies, that want to sell her something. Creative agencies will have spent hours trying to poach her from you with neat, well-written, propositional direct mail offers. They’ll have invested time, money and effort in taking her away from you – and you’re relying on Sherillee’s misbegotten, malcrafted standard letters, statements and scripts to keep her.

OK, I’m over-personalising to make a point, but most businesses – even plcs – spend a fraction of the time they should on their customer service communications. And this applies just as much if it’s ISAs you’re selling, insurance or pony nuts – Mrs Buggins wants to be treated like she matters.

Of course, my mythical Sherillee isn’t that dreadful. She can sling a few words together and make a (usually) literate sentence. Problem is, that’s not enough anymore – people don’t have time to wade through dense prose to find the meaning buried in paragraph three.

When they’re not writing faux-Dickens (“…we trust this is of assistance to you.”) corporate scribblers seem to have dug deep for their words in the bullshit heap. This note from BT turned up in yesterday’s post. “At BT, we’re committed to giving you a high quality service so that you can concentrate on meeting the ever increasing needs of your customers, which is why we have introduced BT Business Plan.” Sorry chaps, I know you’re actually concerned with whacking your share price as high as it can go. You won’t give a minute more to spend on my clients, so don’t try to kid me you will. The writer of this flowery, irrelevant, poorly thought-through tosh was selling snake oil. And if BT is committed to giving me a high quality service, how come all their operators are always ‘busy on other calls’ when I ring?

This raises another point. Don’t lie to your customers. They know when you’re lying because they’re not stupid and they’ve already bought from you. You need to be honest when you communicate, or at the very least you need to manage expectations. It would make a world of difference if BT said, “When you ring us, you may have to wait a little while before an operator can pick up your call.” But no, they’re too busy drafting customer letters with more puff than magic dragon soup.

The Sherillee Syndrome doesn’t just apply to customer letters. In most businesses, the communications aspects of customer retention hardly get thought about. How many times have you had to fill in an app form where you’ve had to write the same information three times? Or used a website where, once you’re a customer, you can’t find out anything useful? Or tried to call the customer telephone number where you’re kept in eternal ‘on-hold’ hell?

It’s so simple for customers to walk away nowadays. They’re used to finding deals; they know its part of the process. They know they get a better price if they’re promiscuous. They’ve got the whole web to look around. They’ve got your competitors bashing on their door asking for a chance. So you need to keep them. That means investing as much time (although not necessarily money) in communicating clearly to your customers. It means making their lives easier – not harder – when they’ve bought from you. For most businesses that’s not newsletters and fancy stuff, it’s just getting the basics right.

Spend some time and money on sorting out your client letters, your application forms and your call centre scripts.

After all, are you really happy leaving your customers to be looked after by Sherillee?