An allegory...

Opens on a car showroom. Plate glass and polished metal abound. Sun gleams from the paintwork of this year’s new models as the doors sigh open to admit an expensively-suited man. He walks to the nearest desk, where a salesman stands up, shakes his hand and offers him a seat.

“I think I’d like to buy a car.” says the man.

“Well, you’re in the right place... we’ve got lots of cars,” says the salesman, “What sort of thing are you looking for?”

“I don’t really know,” the man replies, “but I’ll know it when I see it.”

“Not a problem, sir, we’re used to helping people who aren’t too sure. How much do you want to spend?”

“Ah - that’s the thing,” says the man, “We don’t have any money - you car salesmen are always so expensive.”

“You don’t have any money, but you want to buy a car?” the salesman asks, a little incredulous.

“Well, not really,” says the man. “I mean, we’ve got some money, but not very much. But I can’t tell you how much, can I?”

“Right. I see,” the salesman says, “you’re on a budget. That’s, um, fine. Just give me an idea of broadly how much you’d like to spend.”

The man says, “well, that’s the thing - we can’t tell you how much or you’ll just sell us the most expensive one we can afford, won’t you?”

The salesman draws himself up in his chair and straightens his tie. “Sir. We’ve been here for twenty years. We’ve sold more than ten thousand cars. Our customers come back time and again to do business with us. We’ve never had a complaint. No matter how much you have or don’t have, we can find a car that will suit you.”

The suited man thinks for a second and asks, ”OK, how much will it cost then?”

The salesman rolls his eyes a bit, coughs and starts again. “OK, we’ve got 150 cars we could sell you. They’re all quite nice. But we need to know what you’ve got to spend so I can show you which one’s best for you - I can’t just sell you any old car - that wouldn’t be right.”

The man looks puzzled for a bit, then says. “We need something that does lots of miles to the gallon, 0-60 in under 6 seconds, seats at least five, goes really fast and is easy for my wife to park!”

“Bit of a challenge, but I think we can do it. I’d recommend our new R567i Granleo. Absolutely beautiful bit of kit, Sir. Here’s one in Hoobie Blue.”

“Nah - don’t like blue.” says the man.

“Fine,” says the salesman, through only slightly gritted teeth, “we have it black, green and puce too. Any of those any good to you?”

“Hmm,” replies the man, “might be. How much is it?”

“The 567i Granleo, Sir? That’s £18,950 - £19,000 with leather.”

“HOW MUCH?!!!” exclaims the man, “That’s insane - we don’t have that sort of money! How are we supposed to afford that? Haven’t you got anything cheaper?”

The salesman picks up his coffee mug and peers despairingly into its depths.
“Yes, but that’s the only car that fits what you asked for, Sir”

“You car dealers are always so difficult,“ says the man, clearly exasperated as he picks up the phone on the salesman’s desk.

“I suppose it’ll do, but I’ll have to check with my wife that it’s OK. Can you leave me to call her now - thanks.” The man waves the salesman away.

The salesman picks up his coffee mug, walks to the espresso machine and makes himself a very large one. Then, reluctantly, walks back to his desk.

“My wife says it sounds OK, but can we get a horse in the back?” asks the man.
“What?” the salesman replies.

“...and I need it in green, with alcantra seats, a dog basket and a gun turret on the roof.”

“Oh yes, and by Wednesday.”

The salesman sites down heavily and puts his head in his hands.

“Right,” he says, wearily. “Let me see what we can do.”